Brentwoods Match

19^th April 2008

Frogs v Old Brentwoods

A water logged SKRA pitch was the venue for the game against Old Brentwoods, and although the tourists were greeted by cold drizzly weather, they were on high spirits as they sported dyed hair, wore an array of ladies underwear and were clearly under the effects of recently consumed alcohol. The Frogs were also in fine form with almost 30 players turning up to play.

The game kicked off at 3pm and the Frogs wasted no time in establishing the lead when Fergal scored the first try with a darting run. As we found out by the end of the game Fergal, scored all our tries showing that he’s not only a manufacturer in the milling industry, but he’s also a manufacturer in the try scoring industry.

After more tries from both sides, Old Brentwoods were only a try down going into the closing minutes of the first half, were within a blade of grass width of the Frogs try line. They tried in vain to hammer against a stoic and resolute Frogs defence to even the score, but the half time whistle blew without success.

The second half started, and Kevin “Badknee” – our illustrious coach – began a phased substitution in order to bloody some new players in the club and get everyone some game time. The Frogs scored a couple more tries but Old Brentwoods began creeping back into the game. Whether it was the effects of the alcohol wearing off or that the Frogs had almost swapped out the entire starting line up is open to debate, but what was certain was the Old Brentwoods started playing with more conviction and success.

A good spirited game was only marred by one sending off. Christian, who refereed the second half, yellow carded Kiwi Mike (instead of himself this time), for descent and general Kiwiness.

So with a last minute surge from Old Brentwoods, the game finished with the Frogs losing by a last minute try.

At one point, an injury scare in the last ruck of the game saw Lance “The Maine Event” struggle off clutching his arm in pain. Rumour quickly spread that it was a suspected broken arm and Antoni, unhesitatingly sprung into first aid action by trying to push two broken branches onto Lances damaged arm. It turned out to be a false alarm, and although Antoni’s enthusiastic action were rejected by Lance (and laughed at by others), he’s been spurred on by the idea and now wants to create his own brand of natural first aid solutions. Apparently he’s already started researching the idea of using beach pebbles as anal suppositories and tree bark to treat third degree burns.

With both teams cleaned up, all descended on Bradleys later for tea and crumpets. The competitive spirit continued with drinking games against each other. Boat races as per usual, run the Gauntlet and the blow the playing card off the top of the bottle game.

Mr G found himself with 25 fingers to drink (that’s two and a half pints in real money) and did so heroically, although he was so full of beer by the last mouthfuls, it looked as if beer would start seeping out of his eyes. Sean, again, also was maxed out on his turn and took himself to the gents (that’s bathroom in US English) to offload his burden.

By the time the Frenchies played “run the gauntlet”, their penalty beers were not being as actively policed by the Brentwood boys and, they managed to get away with sipping their three-pint penalty so slowly that it was becoming clear that the beer would evaporate faster than their consumption rate. Boys it didn’t go unnoticed!

Great day had by all, especially Fergal, who was spotted wearing this outfit, and overheard telling a gullible American tourist that this is what people in Ireland wear.

"Hey you guys!"

Antony can still cop a buzz from Lech Free.

FROGS’ HEROIC EXPEDITION TO KRAKÓW

by Karim "Lex Luthor" Boultor

That was the week that was, and the Frogs couldn’t have asked for a better way to officially kick off their 2008 season than with a comprehensive victory against Juvenia’s Second team.

Prior to the main body of players and wags (“Wives And Girlfriends” to those who don’t know) arriving on Saturday, an advance party of hardcore troops had already deployed to Kraków by Friday night in order to conduct a reconnoitre of pubs, bars, kebab shops and any other seedy establishments – these vital details can be as important as players remembering to bring their boots.

So, on an overcast chilly day in Kraków, Frogs from all directions began arriving at the Juvenia ground. Marcin flew in from the UK, Stary Wojciech came by car and others arriving direct from the train station, hotels or local nightclubs.

At one point, fear of being late for the game spread among some arriving players as they entered the changing room. It turned out to be a false alarm and apparently was triggered by the sight of Sean Doyle lacing his boots before other players – apparently a rarity in Frog circles. After all were kitted and booted a brief warm up got the men’s spirit pumping, Kevin and Fergal conferred on last minute squad selection and our injured players Christophe and Andy Grimes were left on the sideline to give moral support to their team-mates’ women while their men were absent. Thanks lads for your unerring support.

So at 4pm, Saturday 12^th April, the whistle blew and the game kicked off. From the start, the Frogs showed the more dominating play and within five minutes they had scored the first try. The Frogs continued to dictate play by winning balls from turnovers, and slick movement through the backs. The Frogs began scoring try after try without reply from Juvenia. Weaving runs from Steve, penetrating play from Fergal and Sean, and darting runs from Filo, and Dan; who all managed to cross the try line with success. Baptiste “the bulldozer” Rougerie continued his trade-mark moves by knocking down any opposition players like skittles, whilst adding some slick basketball skills to his passing. Juvenia began to find some form in the dying minutes of the first half, when Frogs sponsored players Karim “Mr Clean” Boulter almost reached the try line with a pick and drive move, and Laurent sliced through the Frogs defence to claim his first competitive try of his career – although against his own team.

Second half started off well with Fergal, Sean, and Boris now playing for the Juvenia, so it was no coincidence that Juvenia start to pick their game up and score tries. However, the frogs continued to persevere with solid play from Sebastien, Ben and of course some crunching tackles from Mr G. In the latter part of the second half, play was interrupted when the scrum collapsed dangerously. Fergal immediately gave some enlightening opinions to the referee, Christian, about the situation of an uncontested scrum. Fergal, renowned for his composure in these situations had a somewhat calm and philosophical air about him when explaining this to the referee. Upon thanking Fergal for his kind words of advice, Christian made Rugby history by being the only referee to send himself off the pitch. Marcin piped up, questioning Fergal’s calmness in this situation and was in turn given a lot of gentle advice. With the sight of the ref walking off the pitch disrobing and a danger that the game would stall, a new referee was appointed. Play resumed and by the final whistle the score indicated a solid victory to the Frogs.

Post match awards in the bar saw, Dan “the whippet” Ralph deservedly awarded Man-of-the-Match, even though he proceeded to down his celebratory beer in womanly fashion. A penalty boot-shooting was awarded however and he bravely choked it down.

To round off a great day of rugby, the Frogs celebrated with a great Saturday night in Kraków.